Like most people, I am afraid to fail or look stupid. This fear feeds a procrastination spiral. I am breaking out of this spiral by giving myself permission to suck. So, FYI, it’s OK to look stupid. It’s OK to suck.

I have been self-conscious pretty much long as I’ve been conscious of self. My childhood was generally good, nothing in there that caused this feeling. But I can recall many things that ‘triggered’ my self-consciousness, and there are some things that still do.

I developed a fear of looking stupid as a result. The fear has led me to make, or not make, many decisions. It made me avoid participating in things. I missed out on so much fun1.

I’m just tired of letting this get in my way. If the fear wants to get in my way now, it’s going to have fight me. I’m not handing over any more victories in a forfeit.

How Do I Fight?

There are critics inside and outside my head. There are also quite a few people who have thoughts, ideas, and suggestions on ignoring those critics. Even ‘Alexa’ recently offered, “By the way, I can offer some tips and ideas on self-care.”2 Thing is, I obviously can assert that the critics in my head are just bullshit, irrational and false.

I could be like Stuart Smalley and recite some daily affirmations into the mirror. I could remind myself of a greater truth of all humans. I could steel myself to learn in public. I could use no less than Dan Luu as an inspiration for being willing to look stupid. Julia Evans has a great approach for being fearless.

Psychologists have written lists of steps to silence the inner critic. Unfortunately, my brain likes to take those things apart like flat chicken wings.

The critics play a big role in my procrastination, too. I’ve read a bunch of things about this, I’ve even ‘discovered’ some of these during my own battles with the instant gratification monkey.

My Steps

One obvious component of being embarrassed or self-conscious is the fear of sucking. Failure is a bit more objective than sucking, and failure can be rationalized with external factors. Sucking, the perception in others that I failed and am useless as a result, is something I can’t really argue my way out of.

So I’m changing the game. My strategy is to give myself permission to suck. Embrace sucking, embrace failure. Own it.

The fact that you’re reading this means I’ve swallowed some amount of fear.3. The best time to start writing on the web was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. Some things that end up here might be useful, some might not.

So that’s my secret. I’m not playing the fear game. I’m giving myself permisison to suck.

Notes:

  1. Not going to write a bunch of junk about my past or examples of those kinds of triggers. ↩

  2. I then asked Alexa for “tips and ideas…” exactly as she offered. She had no idea how to respond. So I called her mean names. ↩

  3. No, this is not a post about posting, or a tired ‘bloggers blog’ or a ‘just start typing’ missive. It’s just me getting rid of a blocker that has haunted me when I think about doing things like this. ↩